In many families, members may hold differing attitudes toward relatives who identify as part of the LGBT community. Two common reactions often discussed within the LGBT community are acceptance and tolerance. At first glance, they may appear similar, but when considering their impact on mental health and relationships, each carries a distinct meaning. Therefore, this difference is something that should be acknowledged not only in language but also in terms of psychological impact and the level of love and support an LGBT person receives from their family.

When speaking of acceptance, one envisions a family that embraces and respects the identity of their LGBT member. It also involves acknowledging and protecting their identity and experiences without judgment. In essence, acceptance fosters a sense of belonging and inclusion, where individuals feel valued for who they truly are. This behavior forms a positive environment for LGBT individuals to grow and gain confidence.

In contrast, tolerance can be considered a form of limited acceptance, which does not necessarily include understanding or a genuine embrace of LGBT identities. Tolerance can manifest differently across families. Some families may display indifference or reluctant acknowledgment of an LGBT member’s identity without imposing restrictions or opposition. These families may not have a deep understanding of LGBT issues, but they also do not openly resist or criticize them. In other cases, families bound by cultural, religious, or traditional values may adopt tolerance as a form of compromise. They may not fully accept the identity of their LGBT relative but still maintain the familial relationship and offer emotional or financial support.

One of the most notable signs of an accepting family is their ease in discussing LGBT topics. They willingly listen and offer sincere support, and welcome community events such as Pride Parades as they would any other event. In particular, if a family chooses to participate in workshops or educational sessions, it demonstrates a desire to increase their awareness and understanding. Another essential act is speaking out against derogatory remarks toward LGBT members and avoiding placing them in uncomfortable situations. The goal of such efforts is to create a positive and equitable environment where everyone is respected and free to express themselves.

When LGBT adolescents feel accepted for who they are, they are more likely to maintain strong mental health and overall well-being. This is largely because familial support helps alleviate stress, and individuals feel relieved knowing they can rely on their family for emotional backing. The journey of self-discovery is often long and, at times, lacks external support. Thus, love from close relatives can serve as a source of emotional strength and motivation that is rarely found in broader society. Indeed, LGBT individuals tend to become more confident and less anxious, opening up more opportunities for personal growth. Furthermore, acceptance strengthens family bonds and fosters a sense of closeness and belonging among members.

Tolerance, on the other hand, can manifest in various degrees. At a lower level, it may simply appear as reluctance or avoidance of discussing LGBT-related topics. Families may shy away from conversations about sexual orientation or gender identity and steer discussions in other directions. Although there may be no overt discrimination, indifference may be evident in their silence in the face of offensive remarks or attacks on the community. At a deeper level, some families—shaped by religious, cultural, or traditional norms—still attempt to maintain family ties with their LGBT members. They may provide financial assistance and refrain from imposing bans or exclusions, reflecting a desire to balance tradition with familial love. This form of tolerance represents an effort to preserve harmony and a gradual hope for eventual acceptance.

Although tolerance is often viewed as a negative response, it is not inherently so in every context. Within East Asian families or those with strong religious convictions, tolerance can be a constructive starting point. Choosing not to reject or banish a family member can sometimes pave the way for future understanding and acceptance. While tolerance may not offer the same level of psychological support as full acceptance, it may still provide a form of emotional comfort. Some families who begin with tolerance may gradually shift toward full acceptance, particularly as they gain access to more information and a deeper understanding of LGBT experiences.

There are various reasons why some families hesitate to fully support their LGBT members. These reasons are often rooted in a combination of cultural, religious, and societal influences that have become deeply embedded in the collective mindset. Religious texts and teachings are interpreted in many ways, and some interpretations involve the rejection of LGBT identities. These interpretations are often shaped by the norms and values of past eras. What was acceptable in the past may no longer align with modern understandings of gender and sexuality.

Cultural norms regarding gender and sexuality often stem from a desire to maintain social order. Traditional perspectives emphasize procreation and heterosexual relationships as a means of ensuring the survival of the human race. If people cooperate and remain within set norms, society is believed to function more smoothly. By emphasizing loyalty and traditional values, many families may view homosexuality as a violation of social expectations.

Additionally, limited understanding of LGBT issues can make individuals more susceptible to misinformation and societal prejudice. The presence of an LGBT family member may cause fear of social judgment. Some families may feel uneasy when confronted with identities that differ significantly from what they consider normal. Nevertheless, out of a desire to preserve relationships, many families choose only to “tolerate” and avoid LGBT-related topics altogether.
Changes in family dynamics can be difficult to navigate once a member chooses to come out. Due to religious beliefs or cultural expectations, fully accepting someone’s identity may be a long and challenging process. With the intention of maintaining healthy relationships, many people may feel they can only reach the stage of tolerance.

However, some may present their tolerance as proof of being unbiased or free from prejudice. In our view, tolerance does not necessarily imply understanding or open-mindedness. The line between passive tolerance and silent judgment is quite thin; even a single careless remark can erase that boundary. If an LGBT member is discriminated against for something beyond their control, is staying neutral truly the right approach? At times, protecting a loved one may require challenging beliefs or social norms. Alternatively, choosing to remain neutral may leave that person to endure psychological harm. Ultimately, the decision rests with each individual, but we can at least strive to maintain as open a perspective as possible.

Research by the Williams Institute shows that familial acceptance significantly improves the mental health of young LGBT individuals, especially transgender individuals. For instance, the suicide rate among transgender people who receive family support is only 6%, while this rate rises to 13% among those without such support. Similarly, findings from the Family Acceptance Project reveal that LGBT youth who lack family support face a sixfold increase in risk for mental health issues such as depression compared to those with accepting families.

Personal stories also highlight the importance of family support. In her memoir Redefining Realness, Janet Mock recounts her transition journey and emphasizes the critical role of family acceptance in living a fulfilling life. Jazz Jennings shared in the program I Am Jazz that although her parents supported her decision, they still struggled to fully understand her experiences. The love she received from her family was a vital element that helped her live authentically and embrace her identity.

These studies and stories underline the challenges families face in understanding LGBT members, regardless of whether they have “accepted” or merely “tolerated” them. At the same time, they affirm that genuine family support is essential to maintaining mental health and encouraging the positive development of LGBT individuals.

Harmful stereotypes and outdated norms have a long history and are often accompanied by prejudice from the surrounding community. Thus, while tolerance may not be ideal, it can serve as a meaningful starting point for families to gradually shift their thinking and ultimately reach full acceptance.

Becoming more accepting can be a difficult journey for many people, but with time and effort, LGBT members can begin to feel less alone. There are many ways to pursue this goal, from reading articles and materials to participating in various events. Books and films are excellent tools for broadening knowledge and creating space for discussion. Recommended titles include This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel, Melissa by Alex Gino, and the documentary Disclosure (2020). For those struggling with how to engage with LGBT family members, attending workshops, events, or psychological courses can help foster a better understanding of the challenges faced by the LGBT community. Families may also turn to support groups such as PFLAG Vietnam to share experiences and receive guidance from others who have gone through similar situations.

The concepts of “acceptance” and “tolerance” toward LGBT family members result in differing impacts on their mental health. While acceptance reflects genuine love and support, tolerance often implies indifference and lack of empathy, leaving LGBT individuals feeling isolated. Nevertheless, tolerance may represent a step forward for families previously shaped by a society that marginalized the LGBT community. As families learn to love and accept LGBT members, these individuals gain confidence and a sense of belonging. Proper support not only strengthens family bonds but also sustains healthy relationships. This foundation is vital to building a society that values respect, equality, and progress. By listening and taking action, we can help create meaningful change not only within families but in the broader community as well.